Funny Love Jokes

A young man finds the woman of his dreams and asks her to marry him. He tells his mother he wants her to meet his fiance, but he wants to make a bit of a game out of it. He says he'll bring the girl over with two other women and see if his mother can guess which is the one he wants to marry. His mother agrees to the game.

That night, he shows up at his mother's house with three beautiful young ladies. They all sit down on the couch, and everyone has a wonderful evening talking and getting to know each other.

At the end of the evening, the young man asks his mother, 'OK, Mom, which one is the woman I want to marry?'

Without any hesitation at all, his mother replies, 'The one in the middle.'

The young man is astounded. 'How in the world did you figure it out?'

'Easy,' she says. 'I don't like her.'



"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking fancy meal!"

"I know all that."

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager "How much is that new Barbie in the window?"

The Manager replied, "Which one? We have, 'Barbie goes to the gym'for $19.95 ...

'Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95 ...

'Barbie goes shopping for $19.95 ...

'Barbie goes to the beach' for $19.95...

'Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19.95 ...

and 'Divorced Barbie' for $375.00."

"Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00, when all the others are $19.95?" Dad asked surprised.

"Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture."

Marriage

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.

She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning.. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully..

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

Thank you and have a nice day.

Positive Thinking Stories

1st Story

Once upon a time there was a farmer had a beautiful farm, he also had a very beautiful lake near the farm. One fine day he was farming in his field and a stranger passed by, the stranger asked the farmer that have you seen any diamonds recently, the farmer was surprised and asked the stranger what is a diamond?,the stranger was surprised by his question and said the farmer that if you had a diamond as big as your thumb you can buy a whole village and if you have a diamond a big as your fist you can buy the whole city, getting impressed by this the farmer asked the stranger where we can get diamonds the stranger said you can get lots of raw diamonds in Africa.
The farmer then sold all his farm with the lake and went to explore Africa for diamonds leaving his family at stray and alone. Since more then ten years he was searching for diamonds but he was not able to find anything, but as the farmer sold his farm to the other farmer, the other farmer was sitting beside the lake and saw a very shinny substance, he picked it up & it was a diamond big as his thumb, he took it & kept it as a showpiece in his house.
One fine day that stranger again came to same farm and saw a diamond in that other farmers home and asked that did that first farmer found this diamond, the second farmer said no that farmer sold this farm to me and I found this stone near the lake and the second farmer realized that the stone he found is a diamond and it was one of the most precious and expensive stones of the world.
The moral of the story is- THERE ARE MANY OPPORTUNITIES VERY NEAR TO US BUT WE TEND TO SEE THE OPPORTUNITIES ON OUR OPPOSITE SIDE

2nd Story

There were twin brothers one brother used to hit his wife and children, he used to drink and had a criminal record but the second brother had a very happy family he never abused anyone was very happy with his family and had a great job.
Once the lawyer sat with both and asked the first brother that why does he take drugs and abuse family?, He said what else he is supposed to do? His father did the same to us, he used to hit us and our mother and abuse us, thats why I am doing the same, then the lawyer asked the second brother that what makes you so happy being with family,he said my father used to hit us and abuse us, so I decided I should not do this ever to my family that why I never hit anyone nor abuse.
The moral of the story is- Both had the same driving energy their FATHER but one took it in a negative way and other in a positive way
So we have to always keep thinking positive which will help to grow our personality
and a positive attitude.


So let me know your comments about this article

First Love

I ne'er was struck before that hour

With love so sudden and so sweet.
Her face it bloomed like a sweet flower
And stole my heart awaycomplete.

My  face turned pale, a deadly pale.
My legs refused to walk away,
And when she looked what could I ail
My life and all seemed turned to clay.And then my blood rushed to my face
And took my eyesight quite away.
The trees and bushes round theplace
Seemed midnight at noonday.I could not see a single thing,
Words from my eyes did start.
They spoke as chords do from thestring,
And blood burnt round my heart.Are  flowers the winter's choice
Is love's bed always snow
She seemed to hear my silent voice
Not  love appeals to know.
I never saw so sweet a face
As that I stood before.
My heart has left its dwelling place
And can return no more.

Two Frogs

A group of frogs were traveling through the woods, and two of them
fell into a deep pit. When the other frogs saw how deep the pit
was, they told the two frogs that they were as good as dead. The
two frogs ignored the comments and tried to jump up out of the pit
with all their might. The other frogs kept telling them to stop,
that they were as good as dead. Finally, one of the frogs took
heed to what the other frogs were saying and gave up. He fell down
and died.

The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could. Once again,
the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and just die. He
jumped even harder and finally made it out. When he got out, the
other frogs said, "Did you not hear us?" The frog explained to
them that he was deaf. He thought they were encouraging him the
entire time.

This story teaches two lessons:

1. There is power of life and death in the tongue. An encouraging
word to someone who is down can lift them up and help them make it through the day.

2. A destructive word to someone who is down can be what it takes
to kill them.

Be careful of what you say. Speak life to those who cross your
path. The power of words... it is sometimes hard to understand
that an encouraging word can go such a long way. Anyone can speak
words that tend to rob another of the spirit to continue in
difficult times. Special is the individual who will take the time
to encourage another.

Heart Touching

My great friends, let this not come to you as a surprise, but it's real have them living around us and in our neighbourhood today. We can change it with prayers, and always lending a helping hand to those in need. 

Don't keep this email to yourself, forward it to your friends, so our friends and all people will thank NATURE for food and water that they already have. 

This is one more reason why we have to thank God for the food that we can have easily… 

But in the other hand... ironically, we still waste the food that we buy. I feel very GRATEFUL for what I have today... 

We are so Blessed for the wonderful works of NATURE's hand in our life today, 

just think of this.... 

 

"I felt very fortunate to live in this part of the world. I promise I will never waste my food no matter how bad it can taste and how full I may be. 

I promise not to waste water. I pray that this little boy be alleviated from his suffering. 

I pray that we will be more sensitive towards the suffering in the world around us and not be blinded by our own selfish nature and interests. I hope this picture will always serve as a reminder to us about how fortunate we are and that we must never ever take things for granted. 

Think & look at this... when you complain about your food and the food we waste daily..." MAY ALL HUMAN BEINGS BE FREE FROM SUFFERING!!!! 

Please don't break this, keep on forwarding it to all our friends. On this good day, let's make a prayer for the suffering in any place around the globe and send this friendly reminder to others. 

 

PLEASE, MY GREAT FRIENDS, DON'T BREAK THIS CHAIN, KINDLY SEND IT TO SOMEONE YOU LOVE, TO ENABLE HIM OR HER SEE WHAT NATURE HAS DONE IN HIS/HER LIFE COMPARED WITH THESE KIDS' DEPLORABLE CONDITIONS.

Love And Time

Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others, including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all constructed boats and left. Except for Love.

Love was the only one who stayed. Love wanted to hold out until the last possible moment.

When the island had almost sunk, Love decided to ask for help.

Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said,
"Richness, can you take me with you?"
Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you."

Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel. "Vanity, please help me!"
"I can't help you, Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered.

Sadness was close by so Love asked, "Sadness, let me go with you."
"Oh . . . Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!"

Happiness passed by Love, too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her.

Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come, Love, I will take you." It was an elder. So blessed and overjoyed, Love even forgot to ask the elder where they were going. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own way. Realizing how much was owed the elder,

Love asked Knowledge, another elder, "Who Helped me?"
"It was Time," Knowledge answered.
"Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?"
Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how valuable Love is."

Attitude

Jerry is the manager of a restaurant in America. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would always reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

Many of the waiters at his restaurant quit their jobs when he changed jobs so they could follow him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was always there, telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, "I don't get it! No one can be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"
Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, I have two choices today. I can choose to be in a good mood or I can choose to be in a bad mood I always choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I always choose to learn from it. Everytime someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I always choose the positive side of life."

"But it's not always that easy," I protested.

"Yes, it is," Jerry said "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice.You choose how you react to situations You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. It's your choice how you live your life."

Several years later, I heard that Jerry accidentally did something you are never supposed to do in the restaurant business: left the back door of his restaurant open one morning and was robbed by three armed men. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him.
Luckily, Jerry was found quickly and rushed to the hospital.
After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released fromthe hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body. I saw Jerry aboutsix months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Want to see my scars?" I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place.
"The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door," Jerry replied. "Then, after they shot me, as I lay on the floor, Iremembered that I had twochoices: I could choose to live or choose to die. I chose to live."
"Weren't you scared?" I asked.

Jerry continued, "The paramedics were great. They kept telling me. I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the Emergency Room and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'He's a dead man.' I knew I need to take action."
"What did you do?" I asked.
"Well, there was a big nurse shouting questions at me," said Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything."
'Yes,' I replied.
The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Bullets!' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Please operate on me as if I am alive, not dead'."
Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day you have the choice to either enjoy your life or to hate it. The only thing that is truly yours that no one can control or take from you is your attitude, so if you can take care of that, everything else in life becomes much easier.

Now you have two choices to make:
1. You can just close the browser now OR
2. You can forward it to someone you care about.

Try Again

An icon of San Francisco, the Golden Gate Bridge has also been a magnet for people who want to end their lives by jumping over its low railings.
I  thinking, again, why I felt that I had failed and how could I muster up the energy and enthusiasm to try again. It seemed pointless; I would only fail. Then I saw my little cousin, 15 months old, trying to walk.

She stood by the chair and stumbled forward and fell. I felt for her, but she just lifted her head and smiled and tried again and fell once more. Again she smiled, no bruised ego. She just got on and tried once more and took her first step.

A lesson for me could not have been given more plainly. We don't know until we try and if we fail, we just have to try again. Never give up.

Positive Thinking Is Not Fast Food

Fast food exists because we look for short cuts. We even look for short cuts when it comes to success and happiness. So, short cuts to success and happiness have been packaged and repackaged, over and over again, creating a multi-billion dollar industry. Positive thinking is one of the best selling of these products.

Positive thinking DOES facilitate success and happiness. It CAN create opportunities or outcomes that may not have happened otherwise.

How does positive thinking facilitate success and happiness? How can it improve our circumstances? Why do negative thoughts produce negative results? Is it universal forces, energy, quantum physics, spiritual guides or prayers being answered? NO! It is not.

Thoughts can impact our circumstances because a thought (positive or negative) creates an idea and our subconscious stores the idea. The subconscious then causes the conscious mind to notice information related to that idea. Therefore, positive thoughts cause us to notice opportunities to pursue our goals. Negative thoughts cause us to notice problems and sabotage our success and happiness.

Unfortunately, many of us may not be willing to put in the time and effort that is required to obtain the benefits of positive thinking. Instead, we look for, and buy, short cuts. Often, our hunger for instant success and happiness is so great; we consume "positive thinking fast food" products even if the ingredients are unsubstantiated or implausible. Who really knows or really understands metaphysical laws of the universe, quantum physics or non-corporeal beings? When we're fast food positive thinkers, we don't stop to think about this. We're in a hurry; we're hungry for results.

The main ingredient missing in many positive thinking fast food products is "effort". Unfortunately, even when "effort" is included as an ingredient, we may pay more attention to the packaging and product distractions thereby wasting our efforts on the filler stuff. This is because the filler stuff is easier (and more fun), than the truly essential ingredient, effort.

Effort involves taking personal responsibility for making things happen and taking an active role. For example, the currently popular "law of attraction" principle appeals to the lazy quality in many of us because it "glosses over" that which is really important; which is - YOU have to take responsibility to look for opportunities and YOU have to take action. Instead, proponents of the "law of attraction" tell us to focus on desiring, asking and feeling; and to rely on some aspect of quantum physics to do the work for us. There is very little mention of "doing". Accordingly, it is more likely, than not, that anyone that has achieved their goals while applying the principles of the "law of attraction" has been successful because they have also done some "doing".

My point is that thinking, wanting and visualizing positive things is necessary - but it is not enough. YOU have to take an active role. YOU have to get out of bed in the morning. YOU have to get out of the house. YOU have to look for opportunities. YOU have to be open to the opportunities that YOU see. YOU have to have the courage to act. YOU have to do the work that is required. YOU have to do your best.

In other words, if you really want to benefit from positive thinking, there are no fast food shortcuts. Dreaming about the delicious things you want to eat is great, but you have to shop for the ingredients and then you have to start cooking!

Positive thinking is just one of the foods that promote success and happiness.

Just Beyond The Sunset

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